Living the Life I Fought Myself to Live

mevsme

I am back to being self-employed now and can’t stress enough how liberating it is to wake up each morning and fully decide what I want to do with my day, again. Gosh, it was that easy! Of course, it came with sacrifice. The same thrilling factor of being able to decide what to do with my day is the same one that plagues me when I have a “stack-spree” and step out on faith to build my revenue. Thankfully, it hasn’t been hard. I’m smelling the trees and I can fully appreciate the benefits of being a self-employed, ambitious  mother of three. Life couldn’t be better. As I sit here, having downed my second Mimosa of the morning, reflecting on last week; how I can render more assets out of the ones I have, I am thankful. I am thankful I don’t have to clock in, regulate my own thoughts and desires to fit the constraints of someone else’s dream. I did this for three months and was miserable. I was constantly living in the afterthought. “After work I’ll go and hang out to let off some steam. I can’t wait until Friday.” It was sad and I couldn’t deal. I took a gamble and headed for the sunrise. Maybe the sun would shine on me. Maybe it wouldn’t. I just knew I was made for the autonomous life.

Why was I working a full-time, underpaying job?

I convinced myself I had to, out of guilt. NEVER DO ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO. Screw that. You will not magically be vindicated in your mind. It will only serve to diminish your self-esteem. I wasn’t honest with myself. I was desperate and made myself miserable by taking on someone else’s dream. Of course I don’t have to tell you that it didn’t serve me or them. Ah well, life is about learning. 2014 has been a very introspective year. I appreciate all the ups and downs, respectively. As I sit here, planning my next adventure up the highway, I am

thankful. Thankful to be allowed by the ethers to live the life I fought myself to live.

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