I lay last night on the floor looking for some grace on this plane.

It was a heavy night, feeling isolated and invisible.

A vessel of life, I am.

I think.

Feelings are fleeting- at least the good ones.

All I could do was cry.

Reliving it, all I can do is allow the stream of tears to roll down my face.

In the middle of the dark night, I grabbed onto my shoulders and held for dear life.

I wasn’t going to give up on myself, even if the world had.

Even if my mother was dead.

Even if my father could care less if I lived or died.

I would not give up and retreat to the looming thoughts…

A vessel of life I am.

Even if I don’t see it, feel it, or believe it.

Feeding everything around me.

The glimmer in their eyes is enough to keep me above ground.

For now.

How do I breathe life into a vessel of life broken by life?

I won’t let go.

I won’t let go.

I won’t let go.

I won’t let go even if my father has.

Too much of him I guess I am.

In the darkest night of my life and all I can feel is like a burden.

Trying to shrink myself into oblivion.

Anything not to feel like this.

Whatever this is.

I won’t let go.

I won’t let go.

I won’t let go.

Even if the world does.

I won’t let go.

I see my smile in theirs.

That’s what keeps me above ground.

Last night, in the dark, I held onto my shoulders for dear life.

Til my knuckles cracked, and sweat dripped down my back.

I won’t let go.

Even if there are only my shoulders to hold onto.

Their smiles keep me above ground.