It takes a lot of courage to analyze your life.

In this world, you’re supposed to have it together, right now, all at once. If you don’t, you’re screwed. 

Success is not yours to claim.

And that success isn’t transmutable. It doesn’t come in every color under the sun. In fact, it’s governed by a white picket fence. There is no gradient.

That success doesn’t interest me at all. The shit I’ve seen in life, I’m happy to have a hot meal, a glass, some herb and good- if I’m lucky, live-music at the end of my day. 

At some point, it’s time to look at why it’s so important to get everything done right now. 

Why right now? 

My life is all screwed up. 

Really?

Tell me how. As a matter of fact, write down how much of your life is screwed up. 

Collect all of your thoughts and analyze your current situation. Concentrate on what areas of your life you need to rebuild. 

Learn to separate the different parts of your life that make you whole. 

Do not allow the temporary weakening of a specific part of your life affect the rest of who you are. 

  You are WAY MORE than your problems.

Let’s look at the definition of a problem: 

A matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with or overcome.

Even if you have more than one problem at a time, your life is not over.

A problem is not greater than you. It is a tool used to rebuild and shape your path. 

…If you are working on it.

What? Some of us fall in love with our problems?

Yeah

There’s this one thing called romanticizing your problems. 

I used to romanticize my problems because I had no faith in myself. I believed that my problems were more resilient than I was and that it’d be useless trying to get rid of them. 

I began to identify with them, even make excuses for having them and fear letting go of the beasts I’d come to know. 

As the Stockholm syndrome commenced, I lost myself in my problems. I was bent and they were holding me up, I’d convinced myself. 

Expectations? What are those? 

I’d had standards and I hated myself for it. In my mind, my problems were bigger than me and I was being foolish in still wanting the things that I felt I deserved. 

You can’t get past your insecurities. Men only want confident women. No man will want you. Ever. 

Rational or irrational, my thoughts gave way to my problems. I was mentally unhealthy and it cost me a few relationships to realize I was in deep. 

I ain’t shit…

The cycle continued and the self-loathing became unbearable. Then one day I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror leading to the front door. I smiled and stood, regarding my face and shoulders. 

My late grandmother’s voice rang in my head, 

I watched you walk from 16th street all the way to the corner because I wanted to compliment  you on your walk. I said, “That young lady has great posture”. Then I said, “Oh that’s Kamila!”

That day in the mirror, replaying my grandma’s words in my head over and over again, I’d decided to break out of the hold my problems had over me. A graceful maiden with a full life and a big heart and a badddd walk could not be denied what she deserved most, her highest esteem.

One thing: You deserve more of your attention and esteem than your problems do. No matter how big they are.

“Life is like a puzzle. 

Sometimes the pieces fall apart, but they can be put back together. 

There are pieces from your parents and friends, pieces from people you like and from people you don’t like that make your life what it is. 

There are pieces from books, pieces of songs, and pieces of things that have happened to you. 

All the pieces of your life affect you, but THEY ARE NOT YOU.”

Remember that today and everyday. Problems are tools that, when worked on, sharpen the person you are and are becoming. 

Mine bow down to me. I’m always on the grind working on myself.