PenTrek: Pushin Through

Pushin through life like a drive-thru
Choices choices choices
That inner voice cutting through like a slicer
But she’s Pushin through
Getting over herself
So she can be herself

Get back to that higher plane
Runnin into pain
Resilience never waning
Sometimes it needs more explaining
This needs more or less
Sometimes I don’t have the answers
Sometimes YOU DON’T HAVE THE ANSWERS, SWAY
Sometimes you wished your day would go by faster
Sometimes you wish you could grab one more hour

Pushin through
Out of your mind

mindTrek: The Sheer Joy and Terror in Reading Your Stuff Aloud

So with less than seventy-two hours before Nanowrimo is a wrap, I decided to reread what I’ve written so far in the hopes of propelling the story forward. It actually worked! There’s an advantage to getting outside of your head and playing with the airwaves that surround you.

Bouncing ideas and words off of yourself.

What greater gift exists?

Meeting a deadline with no sweat…

 I haven’t mastered that yet.

And that’s something I learned to embrace a while ago.

Two months ago, to be exact.

The upper hand I possess is the one that writes best under stress.

The pressure-cooker mind,

subtle start,

fiery peak,

slow simmer,

powerful flavor. 

Fulfilling a dream

Creating a monster

Haunting my brain

Nourishing my spirit

Fear and Passion

Resting on my shoulders

Forging forward,

The wind is my blinder

Leaving my print

Blazing the trail

With seventy-two hours…

 

 

 

mindTrek: Choosing You

So it’s been a few days since I decided to deliberately refrain from posting until I managed one more chapter to submit to nanowrimo.org. Well, if you’re a high-roller, chances are you bet the obvious, I haven’t gotten any writing done.

I feel like an idiot.

*That felt good*.

Now, with that out of the way, I’ll explain why it’s so imperative for me to share this little op with you.

Until today, I’ve been wandering in the plateau of my imagination, having ascended into the peaks, I slid down to the flat surface of all of my dreams and thoughts, past and present. Fearing I’d shared too much too soon in the novel I’m writing, I was in search of a neutralizer. While I like page-turning suspense and action-packed plots, that is not what this body of work is about. That, if nothing else, I’m sure of. So I had to step away for a few days and gather my thoughts, toss them out and exercise patience.

It will come. In due time.

But with three attempts at completing NaNoWriMo and a record completion (just three chapters left), due time just didn’t seem like enough. So welcome Prioritizing

How much time do I have?

12 hours per day, ten days until deadline, amounting to one hundred-twenty hours to complete three chapters.

How much time do I use to write?

8 Hours

How much time do I really use to write?

3 Hours

Why?

Non-craft related activities

Such as?

(Outside of familial obligations) Giving advice, comforting others, honoring invitations, taking cheat naps, surfing the net; generally not resisting distractions.

What do you need to do?

Start resisting distractions

And?

Keep writing

See?

Yeah.

And that is the conversation I had with Priority.

 

 

 

 

mindTrek: A Good Opening

What makes a good opening? A vivid description? A lot of words? Very few? What really draws someone into a story you are about to share? It’s these questions that circulate my mind when I’m penning anything.

But what if you’re midway through a story and run into a brick wall? You’ve written all there is to know about the story, what you want to focus on anyway, and you’re still not done. Well, if there were a good time to do some harping it’d be now.

What does your character wish s/he’d done with their life? What did s/he used to do? How can you tie that into the story?
I look at every aspect of a characters life as a prospective catalyst. Their strengths, weaknesses, secrets, joys, dreams, regrets, etc., are all tools that help pave the path to the completion of their testimony.

In my life I’ve only taken one fiction writing course (as a sophomore in college) and the one piece of bad advice that I still “use” to this day is to know how it ends.

I vehemently beg to differ… In fact, I deliberately decide to wander in the terrain that is the blank canvas of likelihood and possibility until I’m so compelled to scribe whatever “comes to mind“. That, being whatever part of the world’s soul speaks loudest at the time.

Your writing someone else’s story is not about a formula. It’s about the person (human/non-human), their story, your interpretation of that story and how it connects with the rest of the world’s soul. So be it a journey that you take while scribing it, there’s no harm
(more good, in my opinion) in exploring the possibilities of resolutions while narrating.

I enjoy the writing process more that way.
It takes a sense of humility and generosity to share a story in the first place. Why does that sense of compassion have to end there? Of course, not determining an ending requires one to relinquish a certain amount of control of the narrative, but it provides a space for true discovery and exploration. A space that can be shared once that story is related to others. And that is how a connection is born. Because my dream of relating any narrative is that it inspires others to connect.

Peace

The Gift of Making Lists

So I ventured into my thoughts this morning and took it a step further and wrote them down. It’s funny that I can construct an entire world in my mind and be stumped by a short stack of chores in this one. And by chores I mean plot/script ideas.
House-chores have a way of not allowing my mind to escape them.
There’s nothing worse than being inspired and enthusiastic about an idea and then letting it drift into the back of your mind, searching for the first cue to get your mind back to that thought.
I know I’m not alone in this…
Welcome lists into your life.
Your feelings and thoughts are allowed more space when writing them out.
Just like any other space, your mind can get overcrowded, thus making it impossible to process and reflect upon thoughts.

Just a thought

Salima’s Pride

Salima's Pride

Salima decided hunger had gotten the best of her heart. She feared the thought of finding strength. Hunger fed her heart so, she craved it even in the light of her struggles. Good times were unpredictable and short-lived. Hunger was the beast she knew. Slipping in and out of herself, restless, confident, terrified, she’d blended with the beast, a shadow of herself. A hero and a pity. A shell to be shed. The inevitable was clear, one day soon, wasn’t soon enough. So she’d breathe and die wrapped around Hunger’s finger. She was victorious. She’d found a purpose she would die for.

What else is there to do but die hungry?

Living was a myth

Hope was for the dying

And as long as Salima had Hunger, she had something.

The beast she knew.

Better than a long, silent death, filled with Hope.

Days passed

And still Hunger hadn’t tired of Salima

Her heart longed to be released

Her body, still in prime health, had betrayed her deepest wish- to die with the passing of Time

She felt abandoned for the first time in her existence.

Death had left her behind, in the care of Hunger, her devoted lover.

A devotion she despised.

And depended upon.

But there was something grabbing a hold of her spirit.

It was a light, dancing far off in the distance.She sat up, her back detaching from the tree trunk she’d called home.

Her knees cracked as she rose to kneel and lean forward to push herself off of the ground.

Standing

Her arms locked, holding her body still as the earth flipped, tossed and sprayed all around her.

Ground

And she remembered.

Her mother

The water

The cracking of the pillars that held up their house

When the wind blew too hard

And the sea forgot its bounds

Washing away her life

All life

As she knew it

Her bed, as it floated away on the tides, carrying the last picture she had of her mother

The pantry that they could never fill, consumed by the sea’s waters in the blink of an eye

She remembered

When she met Hunger

She wasn’t in love at first

She’d been convinced

That Hunger was all she had

But as she rose, her spine climbing itself, she remembered

She remembered her spine

Her backbone

As she rose, squaring her chest

Hunger faded away, a memory buried deep in the rubble she once called home

She squinted her eyes, hoping to get a glimpse of the light that had captured her spirit

She watched them tarry away, and the blood rushing to her feet

Lifting and stamping each one on the ground, rhythmically, she regained full strength

She had to catch up to her spirit

She ran

Away,

Toward

Herself.

The light

She sought and created…

(Photo Credit: Joshua Keating)

Donate to those affected by the typhoon in the Philippines: http://www.redcross.org

mindTrek: Babying an Idea

Executing an idea… Easier said than done. Especially when you’ve been in the forest of your thoughts trying to see past the trees of time,  space and relation- all you’re expected to do and all you should expect. You’re running through your mind and, losing wind, you decide to rest. Then comes this little squirt, a ball of light that pulls you to your feet. And you’re back, running through the forest, this time with a more vivid sense of direction. You’re lost no more and it feels like… Well, what does it feel like?

Falling in love with,

Conquering the fear of,

SELF

So you get caught up in the feeling of running into an idea instead of running with it. And the euphoria is captivating and all you want to do is

STOP

Pick up the nearest fallen branch and execute that idea! Stop babying it!

MindTrek:More Reflections on Craft

Sometimes I play around with inspiration if I’m not completely confident that I’ve exhausted an idea/concept to its fullest potential in my mind…

If that makes sense…

Like right now, for instance. I’m in the midst of writing the fifth chapter for Flying South and instead of moving forward, my mind halts and says,

“Just write a poem”.

And while I worry that I’m odd, unable to follow through on an idea, I remind myself that writing is a process and I’ve got to appreciate each step. The victory of exploring an idea and executing it exactly as one has, or better yet, more fantastically than one could have imagined, is unexplainable. And to achieve something so unexplainable, it’s almost impossible to appreciate such an uncelebrated luxury as self-discovery without trial, trial, trial, then error. The exploration of self is the foundation of writing effectively. This idea, this world, you’re creating has arrested your spirit so, you have no choice but to translate it, essentially releasing it, as it expands in your mind. Thus, the nature of my decision to pen Flying South. There are a lot  of voices that must be heard in this story and it is relatively impossible to fully represent each one without exploring their lives. How is it to die in a third-world country while your children watch? What’s it like to be deported? Elected to senate? Skydive (involuntarily)? All of these thoughts I explore when a voice in the story comes to me. And when you decide to start listening, it gets louder and louder. I balance out my life by treating “my” story like a person, a companion. I make time for it. I listen to it. I’ll walk with it, go on a drive, all while listening to “my” story. Since I’ve been applying it to my life that way, each time I revisit it, however frequent, I am presented with a newly enriched course of action. The plot is no longer a plot as it is a relation. Getting to know the story means feeling it, absorbing it and eventually holding it. Holding it in the light of your life and seeing where the two blend and disperse.

Once you’ve placed your mind in someone else’s experience(s), you create an experience of your own. You’ve created a reality, a world of actions, reactions, emotions, intentions and expectations.

MindTrek: Every Soul Speaks

I’ve been riding a whirlwind of inspiration lately. And while I’m grateful to have defeated writer’s block, I’m apprehensive in forging forward, possibly penning a generic plot.

I know, it happens to all of us.

This novel I’m writing, Flying South, means so much to me. It’s a testament to my growth as a writer; I’m no longer as intimidated as I was before to let the story speak to me. Thus, it’s as far as I’ve gotten composing a world and representing it through written language; four chapters complete since the third of this month. When a spirit takes off, it takes off. I’d say I’m out of my mind, but that’s only partly true. The story was born out of thoughts in my mind, but has evolved into its own benefactor, autonomous in every right, something I respect and observe.

It’s fascinating and slightly frightening, all the same. I’d equate it to raising children; you devote the majority of your being to nurturing the mind, body and spirit of this “new” life that you’ve been placed in charge of. As you do so, you watch the life blossom and flourish with less aid as time moves forward. Success lies between the two forces that define the life dubbed “parenthood”. But there’s one consideration you are aware of, and while in the depths of doing you don’t place it at the forefront of your conscious; external forces.

While they’re given some consideration, the power that comes with acknowledgment is reserved for the ultimate investment; a fulfilled, self-sufficient being.

I am the proud Mama of three bright souls. I say all of this to say the fear that arises whilst one is creating something is natural and should be embraced to a certain extent. But, it never should dictate the components of a self-sufficient being. Fear is an emotion, not a foundation. It wavers in the light of knowledge and experience and is ever-changing and shouldn’t be placed as a pillar to stand on. I say this, speaking to myself first.

As you navigate character and plot development it’s important to let the story live and die in its own right, in its own time, independent of external forces.
More precisely, if you want to know what happens next, go for a walk, drive, hell, hike. Just listen to it and nothing else. Forget how it may be received, how likely it is to happen in “real” life (what is that anyway?), just listen. Every soul speaks. Your story has a soul.

ScribeTrek:Flying South, Chapter 1 Excerpt

An Opportune Time

Today would be the perfect day to catch a flight, Phoenix thought. She was daydreaming of an escape while trapped on 76 West, wishing she’d been heading east to the airport instead. The thought of escaping had taken command of her life. Seasonal work at Sephora in King of Prussia mall had become a sentence. What started as an interesting job selling make-up and cosmetics became an unholy ritual, helping mask the inner beauty that so many customers held, yearned for and were oblivious to. She thought of how she almost lost her job as a beauty consultant because she refused to sell a customer, all of twelve years old, concealer to cover her freckles.
But you don’t need concealer. Think of them as pixelated blush.
Regina, Phoenix’s manager, placed her at the cash register for the remainder of the week and cut her hours for the next three weeks. Phoenix was grateful and incredulous. Nonetheless, she was determined to make the best out of the rest of the month. Losing her job would mean pushing her dream further away.
Just two more checks.
And she’d have enough for Senegal.

Why Senegal?
Aunt Sam would ask. Phoenix never had an answer. Just that it was in Africa and that an old friend from third grade hailed from there. Phoenix figured she had to start somewhere if she wanted to make travel her occupation.
Lena and her family were the sweetest people I’ve ever encountered. Senegal is her homeland. It must be full of kindhearted people.
Phoenix thought to herself. She thought of her mother coming home from her day job as an IT consultant with just enough time to shower, change clothes and check Phoenix’s homework. Without a bite to eat, she’d be back out the door to ride the train an hour away to her second job, cleaning office buildings. On one such day, Lena’s mother, Mrs. Barry, greeted Phoenix at her front door with a tray full of tasty looking pastries.
Let’s let Mama work, she’d said with a wink.
So for six months Mrs. Barry kept after Phoenix which was Never a hassle, my Phoenix. My pleasure watching her rise up.
Until one day after school, Phoenix came to the front door of her mother’s house to discover Mrs. Barry wasn’t there to greet her as usual. She thought nothing of it. As she opened the door she heard sobbing. It faded as she approached the vestibule and slowly shut the door. She began to feel uneasy. With knots growing in her stomach, Phoenix removed her backpack and placed it on the coat hanger where her mother’s down coat hang. Strange. Her mother wasn’t due back home for another five hours. After hanging her coat and storing her shoes in a cubby, she retreated to the living room to find her mother.
Baby! Come here!
Moving slowly still, Phoenix approached her mother, not wanting to hear whatever news she had waiting for her.
Mama, where’s Ma Barry?

BAM!
Phoenix was rattled out of her thoughts and plunged into the back bumper of the car sitting in front of her.
Shit!
Her insurance had just lapsed four days prior and she was waiting on her check to obtain coverage in case what was happening happened. But it was happening, after all.
As she reluctantly approached the vehicle she hit, she noticed something odd. The driver, still in his seatbelt, was staring ahead, motionless. His hands still gripping the steering wheel, his eyes blinking rapidly and his mouth slightly agape.
Is he having a stroke? Phoenix asked herself.
Sir, sir! Can you hear me? Can you understand me? Do you need help?
No response
Breathe
Loud, rapid voices blared from the radio:
This is John Butterworth with your shadow traffic update. Bumper-to-bumper on the 42 freeway, bumper-to-bumper on 95 North and South, 76 east and west are tied up too, ALL ROADS LEAD TO JAM. Now back to you Joann.
-Thanks John, in tonight’s forecast, cloudy skies with a chance of showers. And talk about those routes! Everyone stay dry and calm out there! 15 after the hour, this is W-H-Y-Y.

All roads jammed?
Phoenix began looking around for helped. Surely someone in one of all the stalled cars saw her collide into the poor man’s station wagon. But as she looked across the stretch of lanes, that eerie feeling from the vestibule came back. For as far as she could see, all of the drivers were sitting upright, eyes blinking rapidly, with their hands gripping their steering wheels. Their mouths were agape like the gentleman she’d just rear-ended, but they closed and pursed their lips synchronically.

I can’t be the only one not zoned out, she thought.
She returned to her car, climbed into the backseat and began kicking the horn. She sounded Morse code three times and waited for a response.

She thought of her mother’s words, At the most opportune times, things once deemed obsolete prove their worth.
She waited, hanging onto her mother’s words.